Beer and Roaming in Las Vegas

Where have I been the last few weeks? Vegas, that's where. I have a theory that Las Vegas doesn't actually exist. You get on a plane, they pump in some hallucinogens and then you 'land' in Vegas. It's a good place to spend a birthday. With this new year on my age, I feel I've picked up a little wisdom. Wisdom about the city of fantasy, temptation and as much sin as that all leads to. I will dispense that wisdom now.

Wear sunscreen (and sunglasses). If I could offer you only one tip for Las Vegas, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists (maybe), whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

Drink water. You'll hear people hawking water for a dollar on the strip. Buy it. Between the dry air and all the booze and coffee you're drinking, you'll need it.

Wear comfortable shoes. The Stratosphere is farther away than it looks, but probably worth the visit. Unlike the Trump which is closer than it looks but not worth the visit in any way.

On second thought just take a cab. Especially if you have more than one person. You can go from one end of the strip to the other for $15. The monorail isn't a bad idea if you're solo. It's quick and $5 per trip. If you're 'that guy' you can jump the gates and it's free. Cameras are everywhere in that town, though. Be warned.

Don't bother with a rental car, you'll only end up frustrated.

Take the escalators before your feet start hurting.

When playing table games with or against chatty players, adopt an alter-ego. It's fun and challenging.

A word on strip clubs, you can debate which one's best 'til you're blue in the balls. The best deal is this, you can get free entry, a free ride to the club and usually a free drink to ANY club you want. The catch? Nothing, you just call and ask. Seriously. Try it. Be amazed. They know how much money you're going to drop once you get there, so the first round is on them.
One word of warning: don't use a credit card, they will overcharge you. ATM fees will probably be even higher than the casinos, too.
And you can get sex in the champagne room, but it will lead to herpes. Your mileage may vary, etc.

I've been known to keep keycards from whichever hotel I stay at to access different pools on later trips. An opponent of mine at the poker table took this one step further. She buys them on eBay. She said they work even when the employees swipe them at the pool. At least it did at Bellagio with what she said was a six-year-old card. Or maybe they work because she's female. Or maybe no one really cares if you poach their pool.

Serendipity 3 is a restaurant by Caesar's Palace known for big plates. Among them is a chocolate treasure chest filled with cake, ice cream, chocolate-covered fruit and deep-fried Oreos. It goes for $88 and should only be attempted by 8 or more people (no matter what the menu says). My crew of 10 didn't even finish it... Totally worth the effort anyway.

Eat at Nobu. Believe the hype, but bring a hundo.

The rest of the time, eat on the cheap at food courts. In-N-Out, Fat Burger and all your other more traditional fast food places are here, too. One list of good deals is at lasvegasadvisor.com. Come to think of it, they have lots of good info.

Once and for all, you do not have to gamble to have a good time. Vegas has amazing restaurants, nightclubs, comedians, shows, pools and even outdoor activities. If you don't want to go outside at all (maybe it's 120°outside), you don't have to. Every hotel on the strip and the bigger ones off-strip and downtown have a selection of restaurants, clubs, bars and shows. If you want to get away, Hoover Dam and Lake Mead are nearby, so is some great rock climbing and even snowboarding. Another popular thing to do is head over to The Gun Store and shoot some machine guns. Yes, really. Everyone has different 'must see and do' lists. Just remember that everything is possible. It's your job to find out how.

Everything is cheaper downtown. From $1 craps to $1.99 shrimp cocktails. Quality adjusts accordingly.

That said, don't try to do too much or you'll end up just glossing over it all. It's the age-old quantity vs. quality debate in action. My rotation was pool, eat, poker, eat/drink, nap. Play poker at different places, eat and drink at different places and you'll get to see a bit of the offerings. Unless your trip is a couple weeks long, don't think you'll get to see everything in town or even everything on the strip in one visit. It's OK, Vegas isn't going anywhere.

A couple sites I go to for Vegas info are cheapovegas.com and twoplustwo.com. Twoplustwo is a poker forum, but the Vegas Lifestyle area is quite informative. Feel free to add your own tips in the comments, I'm always looking for new ideas and things to see in the City of Exorbitant Imagination.

See you there and good luck! Unless you're at my table, then I hope you always chase and miss.

Gamble Ramble

Ah, Las Vegas, it's been so long since last we danced. This trip seemed strange because now I have friends who live there, so I stayed with them and not on the strip in some gaudy hotel. In fact, I managed an entire trip without setting foot on the strip. This isn't to say I didn't gamble, it also isn't to say that I avoided over-sized hotels altogether. This trip's extra-curriculars went down oh so close to the strip at the new (or maybe not that new anymore, but I have a soft spot for Binion's) home of the World Series of Poker, the Rio. A brief recap for those of you stuck in the days of the bad guy in the black hat: poker is super-hot right now. Billions of dollars change hands, legally, every year at real and on-line poker tables. The WSOP is the largest, most prestigious series of tournaments in the poker world. The winner of each even is awarded a gold bracelet (and a pile of cash), so if you ever hear of a 'bracelet-winner' you can be sure of that person's skills at the ovular table. The only bracelets I own are the ones that tie back my hair, but I've got some friends (poker pros and would-be pros) who try their skills against the best. I've been known to put a couple hundred on the line, but these tournaments run upwards of a thousand bucks a pop. One tournament even costs $50,000 to enter and they play five different poker games to determine a champion. That's not exactly chump change, unless you don't belong. Then you're just a chump for thinking you can hang.

Two more rooms like this and vendors hawking in the halls and you get the idea

Mulit-millionaire pro Gus Hansen (left) and multi-bracelet winner Eric Seidel (right)
The kinds of guys you play against in $50,000 H.O.R.S.E.

I just happened to be rolling through at that time of year. As you might imagine, the cash games were going strong. (as opposed to tournament play, where you're out when your tournament chips are gone, cash game play lasts as long as your own money lasts or until you choose to leave) My reward for parts skill, luck and patience was a couple hundred more than I arrived with. That should go a long way towards paying for this road trip with some fireworks thrown in there for good measure. Thanks for the venue, Vegas. Now if only it wasn't just as hot and sunny there as it was in Death Valley. Seriously, it was 107° three days straight. Hot enough to break a sweat walking from parking to the casino entrance. Problem, the AC was so high in the poker room that it felt like walking into a freezer. Maybe I should have dressed in layers. This is the only region I've traveled to where buying one of those gigantic gulps from 7-11 is actually an idea worth entertaining.

Enough of the past. I'm writing from Glenwood Springs, Colorado and tomorrow I'm headed east. One of the guys I met up at Baldface was Mike Gagliardi, a sales rep for Never Summer Snowboards. Tomorrow he's taking me on a tour of their factory in Denver. That should be a great opportunity for me to se what goes on in there and hopefully ask some questions about the whole process. Check back for that one and live vicariously through my wanderings yet again...

Some Other Planet

What am I getting into!?

Unearthly. That's the only way I can describe Death Valley. After a series of mountain ranges, including one that holds the largest in the lower US, how could any rain possibly make the journey from the sea. The word 'desert' doesn't even start. To step out of your car is to make a serious commitment. Fuck around out there and it's your ass. I went through a litre of water and I never ventured far, no hikes, no impromptu calisthenics. Maybe a maximum of 20 minutes before retreating back to the conditioned air of my automobile. Speaking of which, the '1' setting on the dial didn't even make a difference. The sun mocks the '1' setting. You best be turning it up to '11.' Then, when you start climbing the next mountain range, you can feel like your car is going to spontaneously combust from the engine compartment. All of this is a huge disservice to the majesty that is Death Valley. The views and geology are unique and astounding. If you ever get the chance, check it out. Just not in the summer. See what I mean...

The journey begins

...and continues

Bullwinkle's friend

This thing was buried way in the shade,
It's 109° in Vegas right now and it wasn't even close there.
More like 120°


It was so hot at this point I was delirious

And to make matters worse, I was attacked by a gun-toting alien.

As I said, now I'm in Las Vegas, housing the No Limit cash games. I've got some friends who are really good at this game and are playing in some WSOP events. Some have cashed, others weren't so lucky. Stay tuned for some poker pics and more words from the road as I move east through Utah and Colorado.