Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Baldface 2009: Electrical Brainstorm

Day 4 started out like all the other days. Woke up feeling woozy and slightly nauseated. All the booze the night before couldn't have helped.

Now that reminds me. I never mentioned the night before. One of the dishwashers, known as Boney M, celebrated his birthday that night. Now, I don't know if it's a Canadian thing or a Baldface thing, but instead of a regular birthday spanking, we treated him to a spank tunnel. Here's how it works: all involved line up front to back with legs spread. Yeah, imagine humping the person in front of you from behind with a wide stance, then imagine a long line of this and you have the right idea. The birthday boy then crawls on his hands and knees through the tunnel formed by the spread legs. As he passes through, each person spanks him. Sounds easy, eh? Well, kitchen staff had at him with spoons and baking sheets. People from the front went around to the back after he had crawled through, so as to make a neverending tunnel. I'm sure he couldn't sit comfortably for a week. Makes me happy my birthday is in May. I don't want to be anywhere near snowboarders when it happens. I don't feel so bad for Boney, though. Think about it, dude washes dishes at a primo backcountry lodge. If he doesn't get to sample the savory goods on occasion, then I feel for him.

Also, all the Jesus talk came to a head. You see, 12 people fit in a cat and Jesus had 12 disciples. Didn't take long before we rounded up the posse and took this picture:

Accompanied by riotous rounds of "Jesus is Just Alright"

OK, back to the past present. Day 4. I'm eating breakfast. In this case, granola with 2%. Not much is going down. Idle chatter. How about some tea? Then, I go down. I wake up with Greg, the snow expert, standing over me looking concerned. "You had a seizure." No shit? The granola wasn't that bad. Martin was sticking me with an IV and a small crew was whisking me away to be evacuated via helicopter. Not exactly how I envisioned my first heli trip, but I guess I don't have many outs. At this point, I should mention that this is actually my second seizure. I had my first a year ago in Aspen. I was told it was a fluke. Guess even doctors can be wrong. Now that I've had two unprovoked seizures, I officially have epilepsy. What that means to me is two pills per day to keep it at bay. No driving for three months. Oh yeah and a one beer maximum per day (maybe two if I space them out well enough). How's that for weak. No, I can't save up drinks through the week and carry them over to a Saturday night. No, a 40oz. of OE is not one beer. I'm talking one 12oz. beer (or equivalent of other alcohol). Why don't they just give me a curfew and let me fully relive 15?

In new news, I've undergone a battery of tests and things are looking up. The meds are doing their job and nothing else is wrong with me. Basically, we wait and see. My next appointment is in six months. Coasting.

One good thing to come out of this is all of the great people around me. I thought I knew how rad the snowboarding community was, then this happened. I'm truly blown away. I've had dozens of people that I've known for less than a week offering their support. That means so much to me it's given me misty eyes multiple times. People are just amazing. There's no other way to say it. So many beautiful people are united just by the love of snow. If there's one thing I want to pass along more than anything else it's that: go out and meet your fellow riders, you'll be stoked on the folks you see.

Good people, spank tunnel notwithstanding

For my next entry, a full-on course in how to get the most out of your backcountry lodge experience. The dos, don'ts, ins, outs and what have you. Not one to miss. Seriously, that last one was skipable, but not this next one...

1 comment: