Boredyak Beard Challenge Wrap

Judging by the lack of entries, not many of you knew I was hosting a beard contest this winter. That's probably all the better. It might have taken away from my snowboarding if I had to wade through a bunch of entries and actually judge them or have others do the same. Instead I had the easiest number of entries possible. Just one.

This guy. Before.

This guy is Ian from Wisconsin. Ian knows rule #1 for contests: To win, you must first enter. Sometimes that's all it takes. Here's what Ian could do with five months of beard growing.

After. Portrait of a winner.

Not bad for the tender age of 18. Tell me it doesn't look like he aged 10 years. Tell me that's not a face that will populate your mountain man fantasies. Fullness of whisker, uniformity of color, that 'come hither' 1000-yard stare. By the looks of it he didn't trim his moustache or even his head hair judging by the hair tie/'gotta pose like a model just to contain it' stance. I might dock points for apparent eyebrow tweezing, not very mountain-manly, but there ARE NO POINTS! What's more, this cat knows what to do once he's got a face full of fur.

'Murica ROCKS!

The funnest part about having a seasonal beard is creatively shaving it come warm weather. Ian looks like he might have found another beard contest to piggy back on. He's got the French 'stache/soul patch combo added to the sideburns. I don't even know. New Orleans biker? Here's hoping he keeps that for a while and then shaves it off asymmetrically.

For having all this fun with facial hair, Ian won a Poler Mini Duffle, a Salomon 3/4 sleeve shirt, a Superior Threadworks beanie and a Nike DryFit long-sleeve. Not bad for taking three pictures and otherwise just having an awesome beard.

Ian will be looking to defend his crown next winter. The rest of you, PAY ATTENTION!

Inaugural Boredyak Winter Beard Challenge

I tend to wear beards. Mostly because I'm lazy and I can. I don't interact with customers and I don't take myself too seriously. Shaving is tedious at best, painful at worst. Instead, I trim it short with a hair clipper. When winter rolls around, I stop that nonsense as well.

Now, the winter beard is a lost art. Beards in general are making a strong comeback, at least among a certain population here in Portland. These are not the winter beards I speak of. These are the meticulously trimmed whiskers of the fashion-conscious. I'm looking for neck beard that sparrows nest in and mustaches that sweep your silverware. Beards that draw comparisons to Grizzly Adams and Rutherford B. Hayes not Gerry Adams and Isaac Hayes.

E-Jack knows how it grows.

With this in mind, I bring you the Boredyak Winter Beard Challenge. The contest is simple: shave your face and send me a 'before' picture (boredyak at gmail dot com). In order for me to know when the picture was taken, you take it with the day's newspaper (or you can use one of the ubiquitous free weekly newspapers, close enough). I will accept 'before' pictures for the month of December. Next step, stop shaving. Don't shave for as long as you can stand it, your significant other can stand it and/or your boss can stand it. Send me an 'after' picture no later than May 1. Judging will happen soon thereafter. Best beard - as judged by my panel, including the master barbers at Rooks Barbershop in Portland - wins. Criteria include fullness, length and resemblance to a real yak. The prize package includes, but is not limited to, gear from Poler, Nike, Salomon, Bonfire, Electric, Superior Threadworks, Yobeat and Rooks Barbershop. I'll also be giving away a 'Nice Try' prize for someone who puts forth a good effort, but comes up hilariously short (or patchy).

Here's the catch... there is no catch. It's the opposite of a catch, it's a release. There's no charity fundraising component. You don't have to raise awareness for any cause. You are prohibited from stressing out. This contest is just for fun and some clothing-centric prizes that may not even fit you. If anyone asks you why you're growing your beard all scraggly like, that's what you tell them. I'm not saying you can't raise money for charity, only that it's not going to affect the judging. Hopefully this means no one will be photoshopping. I'll be dropping some interviews along the way. Maybe some barbers. Maybe a random bearded stranger. Definitely a friend of mine who wrote his master's thesis on the beard as a form of communication. If you want to send in progress photos, I'd encourage that.

Wyatt Stasinos' face disappeared under the beard. Where's the pineapple go?

Now, I can't be held responsible for loss of employment or relationship status. People will probably tell you that you look homeless and you'll have to deal with that. You'll experience face itch that you might not be comfortable with. Then again, you might like everything about your newly bearded self. It may be a journey of discovery and enlightenment for you and even those around you. You'll become closer with your pets. Dogs, cats and chinchillas will think of you as one of them. You might find that you continue growing your beard well past May and on into summer. I encourage that as well and it will win you an additional prize: my respect.

With that said, let the beards begin!

The Northwest Awakens

Thanksgiving was especially apt for the northwest snowboard scene this year. Riders from Washington and Oregon are giving thanks for the start of the winter season as resorts from Mt. Baker to Stevens Pass to Mt. Bachelor all opened this week. On Mt. Hood, Meadows fired up the chairs and Timberline opened some lower-mountain terrain, too.

Word from Meadows is that it was as good as an opening day can be. And that's not just the company line, even Yobeat agrees.

Bachelor dropped a quick opening day edit, too. Cameos from Austin Smith and Curtis Ciszek at the end. Looks like they got it good.

Baker, to the surprise of no one, is claiming the deepest base on the continent. They have all of their lifts firing.

Yes, folks, happy days are here again. Get out there and get it, but remember to ease into it. Remember how to drive in winter conditions. Remember that rocks, stumps and small woodland animals lurk just under the shallow fall base. And remember, if you play your cards right, you could have a long and happy winter. Check your landings and start your winter beards. Let the good times roll.

The Winter Beard

This is a winter beard. I haven't touched it since Thanksgiving, except some mustache trimming, so I can eat respectably. Contrary to the belief of my snow buddies, this is not a year 'round feat of facial hair. Plenty of folks wouldn't even recognize me in the summer months. When that thing goes so goes 10 years from my face.

Right now is supposed to be mid-winter. I should be in mid-season form. Instead, Mt. Hood has less than a third of it's normal snow. I've ridden so little, my legs are atrophying. The sun is shining on Portland so much that folks are sporting flip-flops and tank tops. Meanwhile, I have to check the address on my mail to make sure I'm in the right town.

This is Portland. In February. The trees are starting to bud out! Flowers are popping up thinking it's April already.

Why bring up the beard? I'm holding it hostage. If it doesn't snow another foot at Meadows by the time I get back from the Baker Banked Slalom (check my twitter @Boredyak for updates and results), I'm shaving that thing off. I must admit, I've already had to trim it because of a bald spot that developed from my constant fidgeting and plucking. 

You hear that, snow!? Show yourself or the beard gets it!

This beard is for you, snow! A token of my respect for your ability to chill my chin. Regardless, your seasonal visits and their resultant mounds of fluff always bring me joy. What now? Now you only come around every once in a while. Where's the joy in rain? I drive for hours to get to where the rain turns to snow. Now that place is getting farther and farther away. Mountains are no place for rain. No one ever made rain angels.