Powder Day Volcom Giveaway!

Charlie Slasher not included

It's finally snowing a bit out here in Oregon and it's about time. My first pow day came damn near all the way through February! I know the rest of you have been waiting a while for a proper winter, too (unless you're in the Midwest or East Coast, in which case, congrats, or Japan, in which case do you have a room I can rent next winter?), so I'm here to help you out with some free shit! This here's a Volcom Service 4-Way Stretch Jacket. I'm no expert on 4-Ways, but that's a lot of stretch. This thing shines like the sun, too, so all your buddies will be able to see you even when you're fully immersed in the white room. All you gotta do is comment on this post, 'like' the related instagram (@boredyak) and/or retweet the tweet (@boredyak). Use the hashtag #yakjacket so I can find you. Oh, you know you have to follow my channels, too, dunce. May the best (random) fan win!

Inaugural Boredyak Winter Beard Challenge

I tend to wear beards. Mostly because I'm lazy and I can. I don't interact with customers and I don't take myself too seriously. Shaving is tedious at best, painful at worst. Instead, I trim it short with a hair clipper. When winter rolls around, I stop that nonsense as well.

Now, the winter beard is a lost art. Beards in general are making a strong comeback, at least among a certain population here in Portland. These are not the winter beards I speak of. These are the meticulously trimmed whiskers of the fashion-conscious. I'm looking for neck beard that sparrows nest in and mustaches that sweep your silverware. Beards that draw comparisons to Grizzly Adams and Rutherford B. Hayes not Gerry Adams and Isaac Hayes.

E-Jack knows how it grows.

With this in mind, I bring you the Boredyak Winter Beard Challenge. The contest is simple: shave your face and send me a 'before' picture (boredyak at gmail dot com). In order for me to know when the picture was taken, you take it with the day's newspaper (or you can use one of the ubiquitous free weekly newspapers, close enough). I will accept 'before' pictures for the month of December. Next step, stop shaving. Don't shave for as long as you can stand it, your significant other can stand it and/or your boss can stand it. Send me an 'after' picture no later than May 1. Judging will happen soon thereafter. Best beard - as judged by my panel, including the master barbers at Rooks Barbershop in Portland - wins. Criteria include fullness, length and resemblance to a real yak. The prize package includes, but is not limited to, gear from Poler, Nike, Salomon, Bonfire, Electric, Superior Threadworks, Yobeat and Rooks Barbershop. I'll also be giving away a 'Nice Try' prize for someone who puts forth a good effort, but comes up hilariously short (or patchy).

Here's the catch... there is no catch. It's the opposite of a catch, it's a release. There's no charity fundraising component. You don't have to raise awareness for any cause. You are prohibited from stressing out. This contest is just for fun and some clothing-centric prizes that may not even fit you. If anyone asks you why you're growing your beard all scraggly like, that's what you tell them. I'm not saying you can't raise money for charity, only that it's not going to affect the judging. Hopefully this means no one will be photoshopping. I'll be dropping some interviews along the way. Maybe some barbers. Maybe a random bearded stranger. Definitely a friend of mine who wrote his master's thesis on the beard as a form of communication. If you want to send in progress photos, I'd encourage that.

Wyatt Stasinos' face disappeared under the beard. Where's the pineapple go?

Now, I can't be held responsible for loss of employment or relationship status. People will probably tell you that you look homeless and you'll have to deal with that. You'll experience face itch that you might not be comfortable with. Then again, you might like everything about your newly bearded self. It may be a journey of discovery and enlightenment for you and even those around you. You'll become closer with your pets. Dogs, cats and chinchillas will think of you as one of them. You might find that you continue growing your beard well past May and on into summer. I encourage that as well and it will win you an additional prize: my respect.

With that said, let the beards begin!

Burton Mountain Festival Coming to Meadows

There's nothing better than riding pow. Since I'm not going to Alaska or the Alps any time soon, I'll have to settle for riding other peoples' snowboards at the Burton Mountain Festival this weekend at Mt. Hood Meadows.

Aside from the snowboard demos, they're throwing a big ol' party with music and dancing and games of chance or at least a 4-star TTR event that can qualify you for the qualifying rounds of the US Open. A mini-park will be set up for those shred-kins too young for the main even, but whose overbearing parents insist they work on their double cork before nap time. And judging by the list of sponsors, you'll be tripping over caffeinated beverages and hair care product samples all day long. But at least you'll be out there and on some free gear. That's fun, right?

Contests = Prizes, Right!?

A contest is a competition where the winning participant gets the advertised prize. A contest where participants submit entries, yet the promoter fails to deliver on the prize would be called a scam. A rant is what happens when a contest entrant gets scammed out of two prizes in one winter. This paragraph could be considered a warning.

First stop, Snowboarder Magazine, late-October. Snowboarder likes to have contests where you submit your own caption to one of their pictures. They do it every month. Recurring traffic and all that. They give away prizes from their advertisers. I like to write and I like free shit, so I enter and I win. Check it out (a screen grab from Facebook, so I don't have to link them).

"Congrats to Graham Mueller..." That's me. Where's my prize!?

Turns out, I don't really win, though. After a couple e-mails with their sales and marketing manager, he stops responding. I leave a few comments on their Facebook page. The only people who answer are two other guys who 'won' the caption contest and never got their prizes. Snowboarder Magazine's Open Caption contest is officially a scam. Let's hope there's an explanation for this one because I'm on good terms with everyone I know at Snowboarder. They're good folks.

Next up, Transworld Snowboarding and 686, mid-November. Right about the time I 'won' that first contest. Clothing company 686 does a ton of contests in November around what they call 686 Day. I don't know what day it is or what it means, only that it involves my favorite type of stuff, FREE STUFF! This year they get together with Transworld and have a little writing contest. Talk about your favorite place to ride.

Who won? No won.

  
Simple. I fired that one off immediately. Solid gold, too. Now here's where, a few days later, they post the winner on their site and give away the free pants. Only they never posted anything. After a week, I started with the e-mails. That's just the kind of kid I am. No reply. So I sent them another reason I should get those pants.

I'm just that down for the cause.

Yup, 2002 Smarty Cargoes and a signed Patrick McCarthy poster from '06. The Shaun McKay poster wouldn't fit in the picture. Seriously, these posters hang immediately to my right as I sit here typing. Sent it to the 686. Nothing. So, I sent a picture of me wearing the pants. Around my ankles. As I mooned them. Turns out, dingleberries get attention. Just kidding. Made that whole part up. I never heard anything from Transworld or 686. Scam? Possibly.

Bigger question: How often does this shit happen? Big magazine runs contest sponsored by big advertiser. It's good for both of them and for the lucky punk who wins the contest. So many entrants just fill out the form and forget about it. Someone else won, no big deal. Only nobody won. Advertiser still gets the eyes, but doesn't have to deliver on anything. Pretty mediocre as conspiracy theories go, but it's got some meat. At least with little kids like me who want their free stuff.

Anyone else have experience with this? Win or lose? Drop me a comment and I'll tally the total. Then I'll select one random commenter to win a six day, seven night trip to Chamonix. Yeah, right.

Capita 10-Year Anniversary Party

I didn't even know I was on the Capita mailing list, but look would showed up in my inbox today.

I'm powerless to regurgitate releases

Supersuckers, two shred flix, pros and does that say "10 G's worth of free stuff from our friends"? That's a lot of free stuff. Sounds like a hell of a night. If only I could get Capita to bring their boards to my local demo day. Hint mutherfukkin hint