Thursday, November 20, 2008

I Got Tricked

And I don't mean 'tricked' like you just tricked out your Honda Civic, I mean 'conned.' You see, I got a flier for this show that would be going down at the Grand Central Bowl (yeah, same place as the Burton show, this place sure is popular among the shred set). The promo copy raved about Widmer (a local, craft brewery) releasing their new winter seasonal beer, called 'Brrr.' Now this by itself is confusing. Imagine the scenario, if you will:

"Hey, man, while you're up can you get me a beer."
"No problem, what kind?"
"A Brrr."
"Yeah, I know, what kind of beer?"
"A Brrr, Widmer makes it."
"Oh, so you want a hefeweizen?" (Widmer's most popular beer)
"No, I want a Brrr."
"Fine, get it yourself, dick."

It's sort of a "Who's on first?" dilemma. Anyway, something about this flier made me assume the beer would be free. You know what they say about assumptions... Of course I was wrong.

The next thing mentioned on the flier was a fashion show featuring the likes of Holden and Icebreaker. Now, when I see 'fashion show,' I think 'hot-ass women.' Now just for the record (and because she's one of the probably 2 people who read this blog, the other being my mom [love you mom]), I am dating a wonderfully beautiful woman named Jackie. Have been for years. This does NOT mean I can't go to a fashion show to look at other hot-ass women. Here's where the problem comes in with the fashion show: half the models are dudes. On top of that, Icebreaker makes things like long-underwear and socks. Put it all together and you have dudes modeling long-underwear and socks. In a bowling alley. If you're not laughing yet just check out the pictures.

My saving grace was the fact that I ran into a friend of mine, Jeremy, who I don't get to see nearly often enough. He had a friend who was a VIP and got us front-row seating for the show and luckily I sat next to someone who found this whole event just as comical as I did. Which brings up a serious question, can anybody tell me why models don't smile? These guys were all doing their best Blue Steel.

I'm really not sure as to the point of the whole fashion show thing. This was my first time, so bear with me. Models walk out wearing some Holden gear. I think to myself, 'Wow, Holden has some really nice looking jackets and some that aren't so great.' That's it. I don't know which jackets are the good ones. I still have to go to the store to figure out what they're called and how much they cost. Maybe a little play-by-play would have helped. "Here's Jane in Holden's , it features this, that and the other, etc." The model is a glorified (and probably paid) coat hanger. A mannequin at best. The planning was a little off as well, there was far too much time when no models were on the 'runway.' We were all just sitting staring at empty bowling lanes. Perhaps this is because the clothes were too difficult to change quickly. Oh yeah, and the lights went out on one side of the runway, never to come back on. So the production and planning was a little poor. I'm sure this is among the first shows for companies like Holden and Icebreaker (the other participant in the show was a local clothing shop called Lizard Lounge, they sell some coats, but I'm not sure they had much else to do with snow sports). They will probably do better if they do this in the future, but I'm not sure I would attend. Unless the beer was, in fact, free. But did I mention there was a movie premier, too?

Don't get too excited, it was a ski movie and I left somewhere around the third section. The film company, Rage, is out of Bend, so the Bachelor shots were cool, but nothing is more contrived than skiiers on street rails. If you think urban snowboarding is bad, check this out. First of all, just walking in ski boots is a chore (I've spent exactly four days skiing, in junior high on church ski retreats), not to mention walking up stairs. Couple that with skis and poles and the fact that they do exactly two tricks, frontside and backside. No presses or blunts or crazy one-footed jibbery. I'm going to sound like a hater, but it all looks the same to me. The only difference is how much they spin on and off. And they do spin more than snowboarders, to be sure, but you can only spin so much onto a rail and still look good. A 990 on is just going to make you too dizzy to land it. The potential is high that you just castrate yourself right there on the spot. If you find yourself watching anything and the only thing keeping you going is the hope of castration, just turn it off and/or walk away (rodeo fans, I'm talking to you, too). Unless you score a free beer from your VIP friend, then go ahead and stay long enough to drink it.

I almost forgot, Gustav, a DJ from local radio station 94.7 was behind the turntables all night, spinning some Top 40 mixes. The setup had his back to the crowd, ensuring his radio mystique of being heard but not seen.

At the end of the night, I walked out with a schwag-bag with a Holden beanie and a pair of Icebreaker wool socks (those guys are stoked on the free advertising I'm giving them, no doubt). I spent $4.50 on two beers, with tip, and I got to share a new experience with a friend of mine. Not a total loss, but not something I would repeat too many times. Now if only it could be free beer, fine-ass ladies and snowboarding. That would get me every single time. Anyone out there looking to host a movie premier or fashion show, that's the recipe right there.


  1. Hot-ass male models, nice. I should have gone after all.

    I'm sure it's not just me and your mom [Hi Barb!] reading... I'm sure at least one of you siblings will probably check this out eventually too.

  2. If you advertise they will come...

    I know what you mean about mysterious fashion shows. I had to go to one for work when I was in Shanghai. That DJ, however, only knew one song for half the show and it was the one that they used to advertise those Chihuahua movies. By the 5th repetition, the free beer had kicked in and we were all giggling like school children.


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