Baldface 2009: Like a Snow Dive for a Sauna

Righty-o, so I wake up on the first day of riding after a couple hours of sleep and head to the stretching/yoga class. Just what I needed. Seriously, odds are good I was in for a snore alarm clock, so I might as well be just barely awake. I'm kinda bummed that this was the only session that I made it to because this was the last day I had any appetite in the morning, too. Speaking of breakfast, Baldface does it up right. The spread was matched only by grand $20/plate buffets. Hot multigrain cereal and homemade granola with brown sugar, homemade yogurt and fruit toppings. Hot bacon, sausage and eggs. Homemade breakfast sandwiches and a bevvy of bread products with an assortment of toppings. Grab a cup of hot tea, coffe or cocoa and take a seat. Gotta chow down before you throw down. Then, it's time to pack a lunch because the cat don't come back 'til 4 or 5. Pick up a reusable insulated bag and fill it up with any of a dozen different homemade sandwiches, granola bars or apples and oranges. And don't forget the homemade cookies and brownies!

Now it's time to get geared up, you know, just like any other day on the mountain. What you'll need depends on what it's like outside. Check the weather report. Today: 65cm (just over 2 feet) fresh snow, temperature -5°C. Rub eyes and check again. . . yeah, you saw it right. Cue giddy school-girl giggling. Pack extra underwear because you'll probably piss yourself out of balls-out bliss after one turn. OK, now go to the gear room, grab your freshly waxed board and the most important piece of equipment in your arsenal: the avalanche transciever. I have no idea how to use one of these, so I better snap out of my light-headed rush at the conditions and pay attention during avalanche class.

I don't mean to gloss over this because avy preparedness is the most important thing for a backcountry rider. But I'm not qualified to teach you myself either. Learning from a trained professional (in our case two) is the only way. This class was where we met our lead guide, Joel, and our sweeper guide, Greg. As well as being a fine guide and hell of a good guy, Greg was a snow expert. You have a question about snow, ask him. What's the average avalanche burial depth? Greg says 80cm to 1m and I believe him. Joel was great, too. He laid out the template of how to use a transciever to find and rescue a buried rider. The stuff you need to know, but hope to never have to use. I couln't have asked for two better guys to show me the ropes on my first foray into the deepnessness.

Joel ripping it Dave Thomas photo

Greg knows how the snow blows Dave Thomas photo

After finding our beacons, it was time to pile into the cats and get out there for some fun in the BC pow. Admittedly, the first few runs were nothing like I thought they'd be. Then again, I didn't much know what to expect. I was not that smooth and having a hard time. Here's where Greg came to the rescue. He gave me a lot of pointers, got me to slow down and got me to take bigger turns. Basically he got me to chill out and get over the jitters. He also suggested that I set up a 156 Fish for the next day, a bit of advice that would be the turning point of the trip. That first day, more than anything was about progression. Going in, I thought I knew powder. It was like spending life in a backyard kiddie pool and then getting thrown into the ocean. The adjustment took a while. Any time Joel took us to an area where there was a cliff, jump or other opportunity to huck, I took the easier way down. Like a blind man at an orgy, I was all about feeling things out (Thanks Naked Gun).

None of this is to say I wasn't having a good time. Quite the opposite. It was like snowboarding for the first time. What's more fun than that? It was straight up playing in the snow. Spending time on your ass teaches you the best way to get up. As with the saying, it's not about how many times you fall, it's about how much fun you have when you're up. Right!? We had 13 people in the cat that day, which left an odd man out. Guess who that was? Mostly I rode in a group of three with a couple other guys from Portland. One was Oliver and I don't remember the other guy's name. If anyone has contact info for those two guys, hook me up. They left after two days and didn't ride in my cat day two. The rest of the time I rode with Greg. Without that guy, my trip wouldn't have been nearly as much fun. He helped me out constantly and was great guide to have around. Plus he was just a nice guy off the snow, too. Whatever they're paying you, Greg, it isn't enough. Huzzah!

Lodge time came too soon. I was just getting the hang of it. My mind was focused on hot food, cold beer and a quick nap before dinner. I woke up just in time to catch the slide show of Dave's photos before digging into another replenishing dinner. The Jesus jokes flew fast and furious and I was even treated to (maybe treated isn't the right word) an impromptu serenade of the chorus of Jesus is Just Alright by the Doobie Brothers (who are playing a show in May at the Rose Garden with the Allman Brothers Band, count me in). That was something never before heard by these ears. A first of firsts. Then it was time to set up the new board, a Burton 156 Fish. After another drink and a recounting of the days events with equally stoked out friends, it was off to bed only to get up and do it all again tomorrow. What could possibly be better tomorrow? Well, for one, Dave Thomas (no, not that Dave Thomas, the photographer) joined us to bring out that Kodak courage. Also, I had the right board and my confidence on the rise.

Tip of the iceberg Dave Thomas photo

Baldface 2009: Wake Up in Reality, Ascend into Dreamland

When last you left our hero, he was snoozing it off in the cheapest bed in Nelson, dreams of neck-deep powder drifting through his head. Only too abruptly he was awakened by his room mate packing up his shit to make it to the resort early. It was 6am and this rude bastard had strewn his ski gear all over the room, but mostly on the table right next to my head. Let this be a lesson to those of you who dare sleep in dorm-style rooms in hostels. Keep your shit next to your bed. Sounds easy, right? That way your room mate doesn't have to fake sleeping while you pack up for the day.

If you're sleeping on the right, don't put your shit on the left. Got it!?

OK, take 2, somewhere around 10am. Much better. A shower and a short stack of 'cakes and ski-douche is the farthest thing from my mind. One dude who is damaging my calm is this kid Trevor. He's staying at the hostel, I think, and he says he was at some party last night and is still tripping on acid. Matt can give you more details. He can't even finish a sentence and he definitely won't let you finish yours. Nothing is worse than being interrupted by a guy who has nothing to say. Anyway, I feast away with Matt, Nick and now fellow freq Jesse and get gone. The heli doesn't pick up 'til 2, so I've got some time to wander.

Item 1 on the agenda is pretty simple: find a Wunderbar. This candy bar is available in every drug and grocery store in Canada, but south of the border, you get none! I don't know if it's the fact that I can't have it that makes me want it so much or if it's the chewy, crispy, carmely, peanut buttery goodness, but the one I bought the night before just didn't do the trick and I need another one. Sooo good. I don't even eat candy bars in the US except for sometimes the days after Valentine's Day, Easter or Halloween when they're really cheap.

Whilst wandering I notice a sign that simply reads "Fireworks," outside of a gas station. Curiosity gets the best of me. Inside, I'm treated to the real deal. I wonder, will they let me shoot them off at the lodge? Will they let me bring them onto the heli? Will they even fly the heli today, the weather's pretty shitty? How long will it take in a snowcat? Did I remember to turn the heat off at my place? In the end, I settled on 20 bucks worth. If I had to leave them behind, no big deal, I'd shoot them off when I got back. If they got confiscated at the border, 20CDN is like bus fare in the US. (Me: Will they let me shoot off fireworks at the lodge? Matt: HAHAHAHA of course, they have a stash of their own. They'll probably make you shoot some off! [or something like that])

OK, we rally the group at the heli pad only to find out that they're not flying the choppers. Lame. We relocate to the docks and wait for transfer across the lake to the snowcats. Only we wait in a lounge... and no one gets charged for drinks. Hmm... Many of the freqs decide that letting the others go first would be the polite thing to do. As we get on the boat some crazy guy decides to jump into the lake. I realize now that if I was just getting back from Baldface, I might feel invincible, too. That guy came back to reality in a harsh way. Much as I did, now that I think about it.

Jesse's just a little bummed about not getting to heli in

OK, so we get to the cats and the joke's on us, they had a case of Kokanee waiting for us there the whole time. And someone brought a handle of Crown Royal, you know, just to keep it Canadian. I don't know how long it took from there to the lodge, but in that time I met most of the senior staff of frequency and drank, well, I had a couple. The drinking, in this case, served not only as a social lubricant (maybe a little too much in that regard as I started bricking 'dead baby' jokes immediately), but also to calm my nerves. You see, I had no idea what to expect. I knew it was 'epic-ing' out, so the snow would be good, but would that mean increased avalanche risk? Would my ribs hold up? Would my lungs and legs hold up for four full days in a row? The drinks said, "Let it ride." So I did.

Get in. And do you know the difference between jam and jelly?

We were welcomed to the lodge with awesome dinner. Seriously, every dinner was better than most things I've ever cooked. The desserts were far better. Also, by this time, word had spread that I was a lone traveler from Oregon. I guess that's not too common, but not everyone has friends who can afford this type of journey. (I've got at least one friend who, hearing the tales of high adventure on the snowy seas swears his savings start now.) Add to that my long hair and beard and a few guys dubbed me Jesus. This would be a recurring theme throughout the trip. Funny dudes all the way around. When you look like I do, you're prepared for these types of gags, but the lengths they took it to were unprecedented. I'll have pictures of that later.

You gots to chill...

After the feast of the mouth came the feast of the snowboards. Down in the gear room was every board you could imagine. OK, not really, but they had dozens of types, sizes and shapes. I settled on a Burton Fish LTD 160 with Cartel EST bindings. Both this year's model. After a quick wax and tune, she was ready for action. And now that buzz was back. Only a more positive vibe this time. The stick was slick and I was ready to kick it. A little more socializing and I was off to bed early. Not much sleep, though, just tossing and turning. Then my room mate came in. Woody is nice as hell. Woody is also a heavy snorer. So heavy that I went to the couches in the game room for solace. No dice. There my ears were assaulted by the dance beats thumping away upstairs. Half an hour at a time was all I could manage. Thankfully, by the time I retreated back to my room, Woody had stopped snoring. Miracles can happen. It was just past 4 and I would sleep uninterrupted 'til breakfast, almost three hours.

Good morning, Baldface!

In our next installment, I'll tell you about some of the deepest powder I've ever ridden, how to find the pow board for you and a serenade for the ages. 'Til then, get out there and rip your own line.

Press P-Tex for Peace

I'm not much of a jibber, but that only means less competition for the rest of you this weekend. Up at Meadows the Wham Bam Charity Jam (seriously people, is it that hard to think up an original name for an event?) is set to go off on Friday and Saturday. The AM event (as in amateur, not morning) is on Friday (as good a reason as any to skip school) with the top three finishers from a 15 and younger and a 16 and older division getting to compete against Marc Frank Montoya and the pros on Saturday for cash and prizes. Proceeds go to help Invisible Children Inc. a charity dedicated to peace in northern Uganda. Let me guess, you didn't know there was a war going on in northern Uganda. Neither did I. As of the info on their site, it's been going on for 23 years. If you're a jib star and want to help out some people who truly need it, this is your chance. If you just want to know more about Africa's longest running war and help out without fear of reconstructive surgery, check out this page for screenings of their movie near you. If you just want to see some live action on the man-rails show up at Meadows Friday and Saturday. Josh King and the park crew will set it up and MFM and the pro crew are sure to tear it down.

For more info check out charityjam.org

Baldface 2009: Shoving Off

When you've got a pre-paid 4-day pow-fest coming up, you better be ready for it. Coming at it injured is not the best way to go. Problem is, sometimes it's the only way to go. I put in a day's ride on March 12 after taking a month's break to heal. Luckily for me, it worked. I was finally healed! After sessioning the terrain most like what I thought I'd find at Baldface (an area of steep trees at Meadows called Jack's Woods), like, all damn day, my ribs felt the same as they did when I started. That was far better than they'd felt after sessions past. I figured it was on. Now all I had to do was repeat that day four times in a row. Food and drink would be provided. No big deal, right? We shall see. Pack those bags and hit those bricks. The drive was nine hours long.

Turns out the first predicament came in crossing the border. That's right, this is an international journey. I had my passport and everything. I guess I also had a few extra inches of hair on my head and face. What follows is a loose transcript of the conversation that went down among two border guards and myself. We'll call them Border Bitch and Border Guy.

BB: Where you headed?
Me: Baldface Lodge, up in the mountains.
BB: How long?
Me: 'til the 19th
BB: How do I know you won't stay longer?
Me: I don't have any place to stay after that.
BB: You ever been arrested?
Me: This one time, it was really dumb...
BB: You better pull your car into the stall that reads 'You'll be spending the next few hours with us'
Me: Fuck
[Border Bitch and Border Guy commence filming of the TV show 'Ransack My Ride']
BB: Is this a sleeping bag?
Me: Yes
BB: What are all these pills for?
Me: I'm going on a four-day snowboard trip and I'm trying to recover from an injury.
BB: These are the kind of pills ultimate fighters take.
Me: Well, I don't know anything about that, but snowboarding is pretty tough.
BB: What does this one do?
[I proceed to explain as scientifically as possible what my pills do, resisting all urges to tell her that one of them makes my dick bigger.]
BB: Why are these two bottles the same, but the pills inside are different?
Me: I put the ones from a bigger bottle into a smaller one to save space.
BB: How do I know?
Me: You'll just have to take my word.
BB: I have to go inside and feign doing some analysis on them. You stay here with Border Guy.
BG: Is this a sleeping bag.
Me: Yeah.
BG: Is this a computer?
Me: Yup.
BG: Can you turn it on for me?
Me: OK
BG: Show me your pictures.
Me: There you go.
[BG spends the next 10 minutes trying to figure out how to scroll through my pictures, finally I do it for him]
BG: Are those breasts? Do you have porn on here!?
Me: You got me. Is that illegal in Canada?
BG: It's all adult, right?
Me: Of course.
BG: OK, you better go in and see if Border Bitch has turned your vitamin pills into methamphetamines yet.
BB: Turns out you're clean.
Me: Thank God. Can I go now, it's only been an hour..?
BB: OK, but I need to lecture you for a few more minutes about pills and bottles and other bullshit.
Me: Right, you mean the fact that I could have three types of illegal drugs in there, so long as they were in different bottles you wouldn't have any idea..?
BB: Basically yeah, you're free to go now.
Me: Sweet, good to know

Yeah, so one hour after I pulled up to the border shack trying my best to leave the good ole US of A, I was allowed access to the Great White North (where I might add it was snowing so hard that one member of our future posse would refer to it as Epic-ing). Maybe they knew that I was already pre-paid. I mean, why bother letting a guy in when his money is already in? Whatever the reason for the runaround it left me wanting a drink and a bed for the night...

Don't let the picture fool you, I arrived at night...

Not long after arriving in Nelson, I was directed to the White House Backpacker Lodge (fancy words for 'Hostel'). For only $26CDN, I got a bed for the night and a free pancake breakfast (provided I cook it myself and clean up after, both stipulations I could live with). Immediately I met Matt and Nick who would be joining me for freq week at Baldface. They offered beer and we drank and yakked well into the night. The trip was looking up and what better time to call it a night and end on a good note. Next time I'll tell you about this crazy druggie named Trevor, a long drunken cat trip to the lodge of dreams and the beginning of what I'm pretty sure was nothing more than a pleasant hallucination... Keep it locked.

Had me feeling like the President... until the next morning

Baldface 2009: First in a Series

Wow! I just got back from the best snowboard trip of my life. So good, it made me have a seizure. I'm not even kidding. Give me a minute to collect myself and I'll give you the whole story. If you just want the short version, here goes. I got there (Baldface Lodge near Nelson, BC) knowing nothing, no one and having no idea what I was in for. I left with dozens of new friends and life-changing experiences. Here's a teaser photo...

Cat access and 65cm of new snow, good times!

OK, more of the good stuff later; and I've got plenty, including face shots, shot skis off splitboards, biblical reenactments, mostly naked co-ed snow diving, spank tunnels, the list just doesn't stop. You will want to follow up on this one.

Board Exam: 2009 Lib Tech Skate Banana

The folks at Lib Tech are nice enough to support the Greasebus, which means free Banana demos for all Greasebus riders! I finally got a powder day at Meadows and it was bluebird. Let me break it down for a second: I rode a bus powered by vegetable oil up to the mountain for $10, I got to demo a hot board for free and it was a bluebird day at a notoriously cloudy spot, with 8 inches of fresh pow. I thought I fell asleep on the bus and was dreaming...

Then I found a trash bag full of gold and ice cream sandwiches on the runout...

No, really, it was real! (except for that trash bag) Let me tell you about this board. Now, you might say, "Graham, a million other people have reviewed this board already." You're probably close, give or take a few hundred thousand. But, I ask you, how many of them were riding at Mt. Hood Meadows during a freak occurence of both powder and sunshine? And how many of them were 6'1" and 170# with size 10.5 boots (DC Super Parks) and Technine MFM Pro bindings? And how many of them consumed exactly three mini Clif Bars (Oatmeal Raisin) and contemplated the writings of the Dalai Lama whilst riding? That's what I thought. Every review is a unique flower, so don't, um, de-flower me by writing off my review before it gets started. Hear me out.

My first impression with the board was that of it's average weight dangling from my foot on the lift. Upon strapping in, I immediately set off to test the flex and ollie pop power of this reverse camber shred stick. As expected, it was buttery like a French pastry with all the pop of a five-year-old in a bubble wrap factory. After a couple runs, I was reacquainted with the BTX. Going back and forth between BTX and a standard-sidecut, cambered board takes some getting used to. Most notably, the turn inputs are slightly different. Once that's accounted for, you have the longitudinally loose feel of the reverse camber. Couple that with the torsional softness of the Skate Banana and you have a board that is super-fun to play around with. I really put it to the test in a couple icy, chunky patches and it wasn't much fun there. No board would be. It was a little too soft to stand up to the chunks and a premeditated ice carve was more than it could handle. In reality, I'd never try that if I wasn't testing a board. I'd just avoid it. The test, then, is for those times when you just can't avoid it. To be fair, it's hard to lose an edge on a Magne-Traction board. They do help on ice, but they don't turn it to powder. Speaking of powder, did I mention I got to ride that, too?

After a short break, I headed to Meadows' powder haven, Heather Canyon. Freshies were still available even later in the day on a Saturday. The banana didn't make a drastic difference in pow, but I never submarined nor did my back leg go on strike due to overwork. The skate felt a little soft and unstable on some of the steeper sections where the powder gave way to more packed snow. I'd like something a little stiffer and damper for spots like that. In the trees it went edge to edge like it was in a slalom race and got me out alive when the fluff turned frozen-over.

Overall, the Skate Banana is a fun board and isn't that what it's all about? Oddly, I didn't ride it on anything manmade, but if pressing, popping and powder are your game, try it out. I can't speak to pipe or rails as I usually avoid those (my guess is that it would be better suited to the metal than the U-tube). Also, high-speed corduroy carving isn't this one's forte, so beware. Other than that, this is a board I'd be happy to own and despite the name it's well prepared for a range of terrain outside the park.

Check out Lib's site for all the tech specs

Tamarack Resort Gets Shut Down

Looks like one less option for Idaho shreds. I just caught this story on Outside Magazine's site. The bottom line is, well, the lack of a bottom line. Unable to get out of debt, the lifts stop running on March 5. Locals (and others looking for a story to tell) better get while the getting's good. I'd hold off on those 09-10 season passes, though, no matter how sweet the deal seems.

Only four days left...

Yeah and, um, anyone wanna buy a snow resort? Maybe some snowcats, rails, chairlifts? I'd love to be around for that going-out-of-business sale... All joking aside, it's a pretty sad day. Tamarack just started turning those lifts in 2004 and just last year hosted the final stop of the USSA Grand Prix series. Things were looking up for this toddler resort. Then it all comes crashing down so fast, just another victim of these rough times. Who knows, maybe some enterprising developer will snatch it back up or maybe it'll be the new poaching hot spot...